You and your ex have been broken up and you're wondering if you should get back together. There's actually science to this : "On and off couples who make it through the breakups end up happier than couples who call it quits and move onto someone else." says Linda Lindowski, relationship psychologist at Harvard University. That doesn't mean it always makes sense though, if you can honestly say yes to at least 4 of the 5 reasons below, we recommend you take time to give your relationship another chance :
1. You love each other deeply.
Deep, real, withstanding love is hard to come by. You may learn to love someone else and move on, but finding the deep love you have for your ex is almost impossible. Science shows that after breakups, when the love was very deep, most people never love like that again. The human brain is wired to only love romantically like this once. "That's not to say you can't find love again, but it will be different, and a bit more surface level. But if you love each other this deeply, consider staying to work it out, this love truly comes once in a lifetime." Linda added.
2. They're willing to work it out.
If you have a partner willing to do what it takes to fix problems or mistakes, you should consider it. There are people every day going through breakups and in divorce court that wish they had a partner willing to work at their relationship. "Relationships are constant work. If you have a partner where even amid breakups and mistakes are still willing to figure it out, this is someone ready to stick by you for your entire life." says Linda.
3. They possess multiple traits you want in a partner.
Focusing on the negative, specifically in the beginning of the breakup is normal. But when everything settles down, truly look at this person. Are they loving, caring, family-oriented, fun, funny, driven, goal-oriented, passionate, talented, attractive (to you)? If so, consider staying, it's difficult to find someone like this.
4. They haven't quit on you amidst the breakup.
If you broke up and they disappeared , or it took them a week or two and you never hear from them again : well, that person wasn't planning a future with you. "As annoying as it may be when you're sad from a breakup, if this person is constantly trying to contact you, see you, and work things out and you've been broken up for over a month, this person was clearly committed to seeing a future with you and is all in with their efforts to show you things can be better." says Linda.
5. That intuition they'd do anything for you.
We all know that man or woman where you know they'd walk the end of the earth for you. You know they'd protect and care for you under any circumstance. "Finding someone who wants to fight with you, grow with you, care for you, protect you, and would walk to the end of the earth with you is important. Don't throw away a life partner like this." says Linda.
We get it. Breakups are hard and particularly draining of mental energy. But just because your headlight is broken doesn't mean you get a new car. If you do, you'll realize the new cars headlights break too - and you probably won't love the newer car as much. Whether there have been episodes of lying, lack of communication, cheating, addiction, or other detrimental moments just remember these are normal, human behaviors that can be corrected.
If you are going to get back with your ex, you both have to admit you didn't do your part and meet
every single Sunday for 6 months to talk about the relationship. It's so therapeutic, enriching, and such an incredible experience to bond like this every week over your relationship. This will affirm the new direction of the relationship and will make you a much, healthier, happier, more connected couple in the future.