Cheating is tough.
It can hurt your self esteem and leave you feeling betrayed and angered at your partner. But there's a dirty little secret most people aren't telling you.
You're probably dating a cheater. He just may not have cheated on you.
That's right. About 84% of men have cheated on a partner at least once by the time they are 30. Even more alarming, that number gets higher as men reach 38. A whopping 92% of men have cheated by 38. When you first meet a guy it seems all rosy and he tells you how beautiful you are and how he'd never cheat on you, but really he's either lying or using what he learned from losing a woman to his past infidelity.
Cheating is no good, but it doesn't have to mean absolute damage to your relationship. Kaitlyn Lemente, relationship psychologist from Athens, Georgia explains why :
"When a man cheats once or multiple times it's definitely a problem, but I've seen thousands of couples get through these episodes and become better couples than ones not currently dealing with cheating. The most important part of getting past a cheating episode, or multiple episodes, is defining boundaries. I tell all of my clients, after a few weeks of heartbreak away from your partner, rekindle your love with a nice few dates and lay down boundaries and stick to them." says Kaitlyn.
Women don't enforce these boundaries enough, though. Men are smart with careers, business, and technology : but you can't expect a man to understand your mind after cheating. You have to work with him and get to the bottom of how to prevent it in the future.
"All is not lost." says Kaitlyn. "The first thing to do when you get back into your relationship is to say here , this is how you hurt me and this is what I felt. Now, let's move forward this way. Whatever you do, DO NOT give him any say in the matter of how you go forward. When her husband cheated for a 3rd time one of my clients made her husband rent her an apartment down the street from their home so if he ever messed up she would have a secure place to live. If he would have said no, then he wasn't willing to do whatever it takes, and if a man is sincere in wanting you back, he'd get that apartment for you to feel secure. That same couple has been happy for the last 9 years without any incidences of cheating, and yes she's been living in the home all of them."
Whatever the case, be strong, concise, and demanding.
Make him do something extreme for you to come back in his life. Tell him he has to buy you flowers every day, or drive you to work and pick you up every day even if you have your own car. It sounds minuscule, but by demanding something consistent you'll see if he's truly serious about doing what it takes. Even if you don't do things like this, make general demands that he has to meet every day. Maybe you need a text before 9AM each day, or a date night at least twice a week. When you break your man into doing these type of things, he'll become much more appreciative and respectful of you, and most important, you see if he's serious about making amends for his cheating.